So That's What Happened To Pete Doherty's Head

Cheapest isn’t always best. Holly de Cat doesn’t think so. She isn’t enamoured of the bargain price cat litter that Bert bought. She keeps looking for alternative mediums in which to perform her duties. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with Lidls produce perhaps their packaging isn’t quite as good as Sainsburys et al.

So I should have been careful when I opened that pack of Basmati rice. And when the package ripped and the rice spilled everywhere I shouldn’t have left the remains of it in that saucepan on the counter.

And if Holly de Cat had her favoured hard, gritty litter she wouldn’t have been seeking out alternatives. And she wouldn’t have pissed in that saucepanful of rice.

And then we wouldn’t have had this conversation.

Bert: D’ye mind the time we thought Harry de Cat pissed in that bag of grass leavings?

Nelly: Do you think he really did?

Bert: There was an ould mouldy, muchty smell of it. I thought it was just the damp had got at it and went on ahead and made the green butter anyway. I’m convinced that’s why Billy’s head swoll up. He was poisoned with cat piss.

Hannah: But didn’t Billy eat about four ounces of it in one go? He was likely that stoned he just thought his head had swollen.

Bert: We’ll never really know…